I'm not sure why some people can describe me as friendly and out-going when in all honesty, I shrivel with dread whenever my phone rings. A couple of my friends asked for a Skype chat or a normal phone call recently and I gave all sorts of excuses...no, I didn't want to avoid them. Alright, in essence I was but couldn't Whatsapp or Facebook essay-like messages suffice? Why put this poor misanthropic sod through such a social ordeal?
Its just that I have this thing against phone calls.
I. DON'T.LIKE.PHONE.CALLS.BECAUSE.I.CAN'T.SEE.YOUR.FACE.
Plus, I hate it if the reception is extremely bad and I'm totally against saying 'hello' more than thrice. The standard polite hello-ing to determine reception quality is three times, ask Michael McIntyre. Repeating of sentences and questions is annoying to myself, and potential eavesdroppers; emotionally-charged statements and punch lines should only be vocalised once, and only once.
The introverted extrovert.
I read back with regret on some articles about joining clubs in university in order to do well in networking for the future. I didn't, albeit having all the freedom in the world. I wasn't being held back from joining clubs or other extra co-curricular activities like I was during school due to 'no transport' or the usual Asian Parenting Excuse: It's taking too much of your time from studying (but my sisters went on to join the choir, library, taekwando AND dancing classes - to relieve stress, konon - which made me to believe there is no justice in the world).
Perhaps money was part of the reason I didn't join the white water rafting or rock climbing clubs in university - the exchange rate...
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Even so, I ended up dropping out from other fee/expenses-free societies like the Catholic Student Society when Father Michael Tate started to know me by name and gives a friendly wink during Communion. Oh, does that clue you on to the fact I get 'upset' when I'm recognised or remembered? Even the free pizza after every meeting couldn't entice me to stay; my excuse was that I don't like walking in the dark (and it gets dark after 4pm in winter but the excuse continued on in summer when it stays light until 9pm), with a valid reason since a few racially-influenced assaults had happened then.
I did get involved with the university's Mentor Program and was awarded with a mentor who was with the Tasmanian Forestry Department and not only had a 10yr-long part-time PhD about eucalyptus genetics under his belt but he was in his late 40s, pursuing an MBA part-time and read law books in his free time. Very mismatched but what am I to say when he was the only candidate for the (Plant) Science faculty? He was very, very well-connected and I felt quite intimidated and shallow around him. I needed the connection in order to land a decent job in my field when I was in the assumption I could pursue a career in that country.
Alas, the requisite was a year's working experience before I could apply for a job or PR in Australia under my field of zoology or life science related fields.
I had given up societies and clubs in university to dog PhD students in their research. Following them in their fieldwork (and some laboratory work), thinking it was the pathway for a National Geographic-esque job. That accumulation of experience in different sorts of fieldwork made me...over-qualified in a way. Especially in my current position. Some vacancies want a graduate with first-class honours or something but that sort of thing wasn't recognised in Australia and I don't even know my CGPA.
I had an offer, twice, to pursue a sponsored Masters' degree but after the initial interest, it was clear I never had the aspiration for higher education, although a higher certification would allow me to pursue a better job with better salaries - but that has never been the goal, although I would rather not be paid lower than what I got from McDonald's in 2006.
No, I wasn't after the usual rungs of BSc->MSc->PhD and landing a post-doc or lecturing job. Never. I wanted my hands dirty and I wanted to wash them in scented water after. *vanity*
I truly don't mind the wilderness (leeches, mud, thorns) but currently, my return to my lodgings in Lahad Datu, with proper (billed) electricity not generated by constantly-droning generators and water that come out of my pipes that are not pumped from the river or collected unfiltered rainwater, is a miserable affair. A never-ending battle with termites' shavings, rodent rave parties in the roof, and lizard anal deposits on every clean swept surface.
What I would truly want to do is spend a few weeks or months doing field work and then an equal, no less, amount of time in proper civilisation, but at this very moment, I want to ditch it all.
I cannot look to apply to Singapore or Australia because of love. Yes, scorn all you want. I did, to others and no myself. I've always prided myself as a strong, independent woman. Those parental warnings of not getting involved until you have settled down after your degree, a stable job etc? HEED THEM. They have a point. Now, my only goal is to return home to Penang (because there is no other choice nor any other option or possibility) but unfortunately such similar jobs in my over-developed hometown is non-existent to much of my knowledge. I don't blame my kareshi the slightest. I blame myself, and the economy (hah!).
Other than my expertise in fieldwork, I have no other certifiable skills to speak of.
I don't have a writing portfolio to show that I am able to write for mass media or even teach English - I can't teach my own mother to use the computer properly without tearing her head off and frankly, head-stitching is such a pain.
I don't have entrepreneurial skills to create a start-up,no pro-active sociable skills for sales nor travel guiding (have I mentioned how misanthropic I am?), can't really draw an even if I could I don't have a portfolio (again) to overcompensate the fact I'm no designer graduate, not much of a proof that I can do administrative duties more than just data entry.
I can't even be a nurse in veterinarian clinics because I'm not certified and it's not something I can take up a course for like animal husbandry. Besides, tell me of any animal rehabilitation centres in Malaysia that you know of, and no, that man and wife with 84 or 120 dogs doesn't count. I can't work in zoos because there are no vacancies. Look at the job market. Unless you have a stethoscope around your neck or have sat for a bar exam (no, not the fancy alcohol kind) or have an ACCA certification or have done engineering of any sort, you're left with 'salesgirl' or 'driver' jobs.
Gee. All those years of tooth and nail fighting for the thing I loved most for what?
