Monday 17 April 2017

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 4

*WRITE ABOUT SOMEONE WHO INSPIRES YOU*

"She's been on my mind a lot lately because she is to me, the epitome of what it means to be never too late to do something that you truly love."

That was a snippet from a previous blog post about someone who inspired me - Bronwyn Fancourt - who showed and not just told me that it's ok to live one's life at one's own pace and for one's own interest(s). There's absolutely no need, and a matter of fact quite a waste of time, energy and sometimes money, to keep up with the Jones' by stalking their Facebooks and getting all flustered with envy of holiday/engagement/career pictures of others. 

Also applies to social media posts by surface-reflective, career-confident people who flick their hair back with exclamations about climbing the career ladder while others are settling down. 

No one walks my path but me. At the moment it seems like a terribly bumpy uphill road with so many switchbacks that it looks like I'm pacing back and forth with no progress on the journey but nevertheless it's my own buggering path. I just hope to God that the view's really worth it at the end. 

Bronwyn and a few others at university may have left quite an imprint on me in regards to forward planning, scheduling, and all sorts that lead to an efficient lifestyle that's properly oiled with discipline in order to churn out results like primly wrapped packages. The imprint is still there but after nearly 5 years, it's still a difficult thing to start and keep going. I was probably shooting wildly in the dark in an attempt to emulate them but someone came along to un-blind and unbind me. 

That someone who also showed that walking the path less chosen is quite alright; that the world may be bigger yet smaller with uncountable facets; that it's alright to fall short of expectations that are usually set at improbable heights by one's ownself; that if all else fails and everything is bleak and full of misery, there's always, always, always another way.

That someone who could be a great example to start the incredible nature vs. nurture debate.
That someone who has pushed himself and took on so much with only a complaint or two despite not knowing the results or lack thereof.

That someone with whom I've decided to spend the rest of my life with before I fully realised it. 



















Wednesday 5 April 2017

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 3

*WHAT ARE YOUR TOP THREE PET PEEVES?*

1. PUNCTUALITY
2. GRAMMAR
3. WASTAGE

As a reigning queen of procrastination, #1 should be laughable as this post is already, supposedly, a week delayed. In all honesty, I had written quite a bit for each of my listed top three pet peeves but the hesitation in posting it for public viewing was due to the reluctance in posting a mundane bunch of words that usually goes up on Facebook, my default facade.

As a self-proclaimed grammar nazi that has probably lost me a few friendships and gained me a title as a know-it-all snob, it is with a horrifying revelation that I've actually toned down my correcting and 'gone down to their level' to the point where I can hardly speak, much less write, proper English. Editing work that became a portion of my responsibilities did not come as easy as expected - in fact, being lost for words is often the case as I've reduced my vocabulary to direct translations, peppered with dialect words.

As for wastage, grey areas and 'closing an eye' progressed to wider areas on a narrower field of vision. Not that I've been using disposables with abandon; the guilt is very much still there if I've forgotten to be less wasteful. I still hoard items that clutter the house but I'm not lugging around my own cutlery and refusing straws and plastic bags every single time.

My pet peeves are still pet peeves but my reactions towards them are very much less outward. In recent years, Lent became the season to really give up on things and I'm not talking about vegetarian meals for 40 days. I've greatly reduced my road rage and decreased my habit of over-thinking, over-worrying, over-analysing, over-this and that...

Life is then so much better. But of course, there's still plenty to be done, plenty to improve.


Sunday 2 April 2017

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 2

*WRITE SOMETHING THAT SOMEONE TOLD YOU ABOUT YOURSELF THAT YOU NEVER FORGOT*


"You are one, very complicated lady!"

Full of contradictions, the constant pushing forward and pulling back of enthusiasm and reluctance, of bravery and cowardice has finally taken its toll and left me in a quandary about my self-esteem, and self-worth which then ignited a whole bunch of self-realisation exercises that left me tearfully stricken and mentally exhausted - translating to physical fatigue.

Every single time I'm doing something I wish I were doing something else. Every single time I'm somewhere I yearn to be someplace else. I'm mostly in my own head where I can be anyone, anytime, anywhere and hence, it affects long periods of conversation or discussions with actual people. It's affecting my real time presence and it stopped being funny now.

This current process of disentanglement I'm now putting myself through is an on-going, stop-start, painful procedure and all I really want is the reset button but all I really need is a keen sense of clarity and mindful purpose to focus on every juggling ball that comes to hand. 

Why is it so difficult to wade through treacle? 
Why is it so difficult to tear through cobwebs?

Remarks about myself range from being an 'ultimate, selfish bitch' to such a 'sweet and cute' person bounces off my walls every now and then, usually by people who spend plenty of surface time with me. Like a cold-blooded animal, it takes me awhile to warm up to anyone at anytime - the danna not included as I'm practically super glued to him as a painfully 'extroverted introvert' would do in social situations. Hence, not many can accurately remark on my whole self.

That particular observation was made by my boss during an intense, open discussion and is possible the second time someone has said that to me. If I dredge up my horrid memory right, the first person who told me that was Bronwyn, whom I spent hours in a car and days in small cabins for fieldwork.

Not sure how they both came about this conclusion about myself but it seems pretty accurate. Since I hit the double digits, the proud age of 10 years old, I knew what I wanted to be and do - the next Steve Irwin, getting down and dirty to come to face level with all sorts of non-humans animals. Gratefully, I was able to pursue that dream which unfortunately did not have a mapped future past graduation.

So, from the age of 24, every step and move I made is done in pure trepidation. Gone, was my fiery, know-it-all and do-it-all, gung-ho persona and in her place, one very anxiety-laden and constantly apprehensive worrywart.



Saturday 1 April 2017

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 1

Plenty of things have been waving their arms at me from Pinterest and Instagram, beseeching to be my next crazed hobby - at the moment, it's DIY embossing and lo, and behold, I have almost all the materials to start. 

Weirdly, I seem to have this ailment where I get super excited, super enthusiastic, super everything about it but I can't make the crucial step: to start.

So here's to picking up an old hobby, an old yet forever love: writing and this time with a purpose, which is this 30 Day Writing Challenge. A challenge because nothing has been challenging me with such fervour for the past handful of years now.

*10 THINGS THAT REALLY MAKE YOU HAPPY*

...and I assume these listed things will make me 'really' happy and not just a swish of delight like pictures of bunnies and babies. More like a unicorn having a severe bout of diarrhea over me and I could get run over by a truck yet skip away like I just won the lottery.

1. Really, really good coffee made with really, really good chocolate...
2. Or a tea that makes me feel less like a whale with bloating issues. 

Freshly brewed coffee in Australia seems to be the norm and instant coffee is almost unheard of. I believe that's where my love for real coffee began and it grew exponentially when I started to learn more about it through work where I met Jimmy from Coffee Rescue - Penang who not only taught me about the chemistry of it all but guided me to learn about the biology and history of it all. Too amazeballs. His locally roasted Columbian brew coupled with his own choice of cacao just makes me sproing all over the place and so far every other cup has failed abysmally against it. 

As for tea, I'm no connoisseur but I take it black and strong (quite the opposite of my coffee) and it usually does the trick in making me think I can wear latex full body suits like Angelina/Evangeline.

3. Stationery.

The stuff that comes in sets of different colours and it could range from colour pens to brushes to journals to punches. These are usually quite pricey so the ultimate happy comes when they are on big discounts.

4. Rain

I don't care if I just washed my hair or I'm wearing something nice. I refuse to use umbrellas most of the time (and I have like five in the car) but I try to since not many people appreciate having a sodden idiot dripping all over the place. Even better if I shelter from heavy rain in a heavily air-conditioned place. Shivering from cold is one of my weird, favourite things. 

5. Shopping for other people

I can buy stuff for myself and it gets tossed to the side immediately until I unearth them during seasonal paleontology excursions but the ultimate glee is in getting something for someone else, even though it results in out-loud monologues (that makes even the most enthusiastic salesperson back away slowly) on whether the item suits the person or not.

6. Spicy food 

An excellent dose of spicy food that just clears my intestines and any secret thought of harbouring parasitic tapeworms that may 'help' me lose weight is quite a sadistic pleasure and I've gotten to the point where I'm almost willing to suffer gastric by having extremely spicy food on an empty stomach. 

7. Showers

Either taken ice cold or boiling hot under high pressure - the former after a long, hot and sweaty day and the latter after being caught in the rain. However, ice cold showers aren't real anymore since the pipes get heated up during the day and hot showers don't go hot enough to scald a layer of skin off.

8. Getting dirty with a purpose

Well I suppose it merits an ice cold shower afterwards but being able to play with dirt after a sterile childhood is a satisfaction beyond words. I remember being stuck in and wading through mud, trampling though waist high leaf litter, sifting through innards, knowing all sorts of things that crawl about doesn't deter me the least. 

9. Animals

A default really. Anyone who knows me would know the extent of my love for animals. Plonk any non-human on my lap and I'm done for.

10. Stubble

The danna's stubble on his chin to be exact. I can live without it anywhere else. His facial hair is like my security blanket. The few months we were dating, he shaved off his month-long beard without any notice and I almost cried. Otherwise, I take every opportunity to annoy him by transforming into a cat in order to crawl up his belly and nuzzle the rough. Or so I imagine. 

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