Wednesday 30 December 2015

It's always darkest before dawn

The wolf hour. 
Before first light.
Before day breaks.

Tomorrow will be the eve of the new year 2016. 

2009 - 2012 were the best, eye-opening, loneliest years of my life. 
2013 was the most adventurous, limit-pushing, frustrating year of my life.
2014 was the most risk-taking year of my life - where I've now reaped the harvest in 2015. 

My world and perception has truly expanded and in that short period of time it did, I was busy playing catch up, trying hard to fall into step, squeezing out every drop of life to live like there's none to be wasted.

I can equate this year to a frantic hop-skip over hot coals while juggling hot potatoes. Hopefully when the new year rolls in, I would grow half a brain to not expect to develop calluses thick enough to handle the heat but to wear heat-proof gloves and shoes instead. 

Instead of a laissez-faire attitude towards goals and resolutions that has happened for the past few years, resulting in a no-surprise lack of achievement, I'm setting some this year....just that I haven't really gotten around to some serious thinking ah-hyuk hyuk.

Here's to a blessed year of Mercy.



Friday 27 November 2015

Still singing the same old song...

I read back my old blog posts from a year and a half ago and came to the dreadful realisation that not much has changed.

Still singing the same old song where I'm feeling sorry about myself, reminiscing too much of the supposedly glorious past, not doing much about making things better or striving for change for the better....

I feel like hitting myself. Today was the day where I realised that there's no point looking for a job that I would love getting up in the morning for. 

THERE'S NO SUCH THING. 

Optimists will say, there's always one bad day or two..., and unknowingly, that bad day or two had stretched into nearly two years now. This enlightenment came after the boss 'had a word' with me about decrease in income and lack of proactive productivity from my one-and-a-half man department. 

I had vowed never to be chained to my desk during office hours. I end up doing so despite part of my job scope is to go outdoors.

I had vowed to avoid sales and high levels of interaction with people where they are to be persuaded to part with their money. Unfortunately I'm being warned reminded constantly that public relations - which includes some sort of salesmanship - is very much 80% of my job scope. 

To be honest, I've had a few long-ish weekends where I have some time to myself to think things through and do some serious adult-thinking. But it never happens as I end up reading or sleeping the entire day. Even cleaning up seems to be half-hearted. 

Despite having to meet people, I feel happiest when I'm "OOO" which means Out Of Office. No, I don't have colleagues from hell that I hear a lot of, and that's a blessing. I have a management that may be budget-tight with big dreams but after each admonishing, I walk away not dispirited and disheartened but quite the opposite - more annoyed and frustrated at myself for not doing my best when I could but didn't due to lack of prioritising or enthusiasm; wishing for more time and self-discipline.

After all that, I know I do need a break. A real one where I don't think of impending workload or overworrying about things to come that I have no control - and that's scary. The danna is constantly reminding me to let go of things I cannot control, not to let my emotions run me, that there's really no point in spending effort and time on happenstances that cannot be helped, or let everyone and anything get to me. 

He might not know I use him as a tissue for my anxiety tears 
but he really is my pillar of strength to hold back that ceiling of fear. 




Thursday 5 November 2015

Breaking Boundaries

That's my motto before I hit the big Three-Zero.

Since young, like everyone else, I had set a timeline for a couple of goals; mind you, these goals were set during the "freedom" after UPSR at 12 years old.
  • Move out at 18 years old
  • Buy myself a diamond ring when I'm 21
  • Get married at 25 years old
Well, at 18 years old I was no where financially or mentally smart enough to think farther ahead than looking at newspaper classifieds. I was nearly dead broke at 21 years old when I pooled my meager savings (probably just touching a couple of grand) with my parents' EPF withdrawals to start my degree in Tasmania. At 25 years old, I was just as broke and far, physically, from settling down.

It's been half a year from my last post and very nearly the reason would be is that I started full-time at Tropical Spice Garden. Very nearly the excuse would be that I took on, or was given, quite a lot to deal with for a one-person department. Very nearly the blame is my over-enthusiasm yet under-prepared yet shy-to-ask-shy-to-say-no.

What prompted me strongly to start writing here again was Evan. Speaking to him during last weekend's Halloween Night Walk showed that I've been neglecting myself and definitely straying far from what I've discovered as my true passion - one that I may not be strong in but is truly something that has not waned since that dark, windy night catching and 'processing' bats with Lisa Cawthen.

Start again. Even if it's small. 

So I'm looking to break some boundaries before I'm 30 because that age had more significance to me than any other age.

Writing
Drawing
Riding (and getting) a motorcycle (license)
Nose piercing....

Friday 17 April 2015

A step forward

So I mentioned how I hate being friendly to random strangers.

Unless it's a passing comment and no obligatory conversation ensues, I actually would say something ice-breaking...like "oh, the toilets are that way."

Weirdly enough, last night during the Easter dinner gathering for Penang Choicees, I actually walked up and introduced myself while the danna hung back. However, I introduced myself to two people whom I already know but didn't realise.

Yes, thou shalt facepalm thyself. 

One was Jmelda, a senior in school and former parish. The other was Adeline, also former fellow parishioner in IC and I've actually texted her quite a bit last year. Both were quite perplexed on why I was introducing myself when we all knew each other already. During the mingling before dinner, someone sat down at our table and started reminiscing about last year, throwing out facts about our lives that we were sure we didn't share with her, whoever she was!? Found out, it was Jeanne from the publicity department in Choice and I also had been texting her plenty, and even went to the extent of calling her dear/babe.

Surely, despite the faux pas, I could take it as progress in real-life socialising?

Another scenario was a few days ago where I had a meeting with the bosses and colleague with a couple of small entrepreneurials on stocking their gardening merchandise in the gift shop at work. I noticed that Joleen was being uncharacteristically quiet and I was the one throwing out questions (and answering others) and making comments alongside the bosses.

After that, it was a pro-active follow-up... adding and chatting on Facebook (yes, how professional).

I pray that it'll be no more flashes in the pan.
No more quicksilver heats but slow burns leading to (environmental friendly) long-lasting bonfires.
No more hiding behind my armored walls, built on the grounds of personal and emotional safety.


One more thing I would need to learn is not take things personally. The ability to read people and know what they think or feel about you at that particular moment can be hurtful or embarrassing due to the circumstances, whether or not its your fault.


Time to shake off this quarter-life crisis and embark on a self-changing acknowledging journey before I hit my 30s.

Bloody hell, I'm already 27?!!
...and I act like I'm still 17

Tuesday 14 April 2015

Raucous silence

For a year or more, I've been having this impending sense of doom... a vague feeling of dread, of things left unfinished, matters left unattended. 

It affects me now and then but I always put it down to PMS until I realise these weird depressing emotions don't follow my menstrual cycle at all.

Perhaps I'm thinking too much. 

Keeping too much inside, a habit cultivated in 5 years of being a partial hermit - active in social media but no where else.

I kept often to myself in Australia and Sabah, albeit loving the environment and appreciating the finer bits, I tend to withdraw from both crowds and one on ones. I would take solo bus rides to suburban places in Tasmania, hop on the nearest tram with no qualms in Melbourne, take mini solo (and prohibited) solo walks in Danau Girang and make those 2hr one-way drives myself from Lahad Datu to Tawau during car services.

Five years of talking mostly to myself.

Ken was the one I talked to the most but obviously, it wasn't a live chat and he only replies when he can. Nevertheless, a reprieve from the crowding of thoughts in my head.

Now, the danna says my mind flits around a lot and he pauses quite a bit during conversations with me since I can, and have, talk about multiple things at once. Long ago, I could hold a MSN conversation with Ying about three different and totally unrelated things at once. If you can imagine, we both type quite speedily and the messages were all so jumbled up that even some international secret intelligence were monitoring us, they would probably flip their consoles FTS!

I can't just start talking to random people. That isn't me. But what is me is that I'm always self-evolving. Adapting to changes in order not to be categorised or seen as in a specific way. THAT I know of myself. Since young, if someone tells me "oh, I see your favourite colour is blue?" I deny and start having more red stuff. If they tell me they notice I like a certain genre of music, a style of dressing, a choice of reads, I deny and deny until the cock crows three times. I've even changed my handwriting every year!

So now knowing that I'm deathly afraid of public speaking, lethally frightened by proactive leadership, I find myself being put into those situations, purely, I believe, by my well-trained subconscious.

What have I done?

Halfway into the first month of the second quarter of the year and what have I achieved?

Monday 6 April 2015

Flash in the pan

That's me.

Lightning quick starts. Electrocuting impromptus. 

Then no more.

You see, even my #100happydays didn't make it halfway. It wasn't that I couldn't choose between a variety of happy things to focus on each day. Instead, since that last post, it was a slow but steady avalanche of happenings and responsibilities until I was feeling pretty overwhelmed.

I can admit it now, on hindsight, that I'm prone to bouts of depression, yet still partially aware that at some point if each period goes on too long, I will need to seek help and I'm not talking spiritually nor emotionally, but professionally.

I wanted to go home. Even when if I was at home, standing on the balcony in the middle of the night so I won't wake the danna, looking up into heat-lightning lit skies, all I could think of, all I could cry out silently was I want to go home. I didn't even know what that means.

Then came a whole load of work that tired me out so much physically until that I believe it was possible to block out half of my brain activity. A constant dull buzz droned at the back of my head and my thoughts were flitting about and never really settled until exhaustion draped over me.

My last blog post was about planning ahead, in terms of events for the rest of the year. Last week, there was some sort of a follow up on my progress and it hit me that I am still taking things for granted. I didn't take Lent seriously as planned in order to change and during the Holy Week leading to Easter, it was a blow in the face, a punch in the gut.

I was asked what were my strengths and with the answers I gave, my MD said that I 'very quickly went into my weaknesses' instead. How can I tell her that I work better alone, that I have a habit of having a period of silent observation before being proactive? I thought I would carve out some time, an hour or so, to write it all down and as usual, expect to be able to dig myself out from whatever shit hole I fell into.

Somehow, the danna, being the amazing person he is, put things into a different perspective for me. It's like trying to jump out of the shit hole and he's shown me that I can just churn the proverbial butter instead. Instead of being just a shoulder to lean on or being a sympathetic ear, he probes deeper to make me see things clearer. Marvellous, really, that it doesn't take much for him to break my walls. Must be all that badminton he plays xP

So instead of jumping into things too fast or holding back too long, I now know I need to not be adverse on seeking advice from others and listen to that little voice more closely without second guessing it.

It's a new start...close to a week into the second quarter of the year.

Wish me luck




Wednesday 11 February 2015

Growing Up and Planning Ahead


I'm not good with future planning. 
Especially in terms of more than the next few hours until lunch time. 

For the past year, I've been telling myself to find the time to sit down and sift through my thoughts, list down goals and resolutions, set timelines and deadlines, and track the progress. I downloaded all sorts of applications, bought all sorts of diaries and journals (plus pretty pens and sticky notes to go along with it as a form of inspiration or encouragement), tagged all self-improvement articles for later reading...

It's been a year since all that and I've done shit loads of nothing. 
Like my weight, my motivation fluctuated.

Last week at work, there was a meeting with my colleagues and Managing Director on planning events for the year - something my sister, who majored in Event Management, would scoff at, saying that was something we should have done in (probably) October the year before. Soon, I'll share those plans.

That was the first forward planning I've ever done in my entire life other than noting down the dates for major exams during schooling years (mostly so that my mom would be able to take leave during those dates. Nothing to do with my revision planning).

It was a realisation of my lack of commitment for anything. I've never put in 100% effort and was subconsciously ever ready to pull out, relocate, cut losses, minimise damage, ensure I've at least skimmed the surface of everything to say I've been there and done that.

I've had this feeling that I should "hurry, hurry, hurry, there's not much time to do all this" in my field and if I linger too long, I'll miss out, lose out, too late it's gone....

The result was a constant unsatisfactory feeling with whatever I do since I'm trying to adopt the principle of "DOING IT PROPERLY OR DON'T DO IT AT ALL."

Honestly, I have been berating myself for the past few months and during my quiet times when I try to psyche myself up to improve, I can truly say there's one thing that I'm committing myself to 100% recently. It wasn't a conscious decision, not a spur of the moment 'why not' inspired thought that resulted in a quick start and equally quick die-off, none of my usual apprehension and the subsequent lackluster effort, none of the 'go with the flow and see where it goes'.

Where are the warning bells in my head?
Where is the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach?
Where is the niggling discomfort at the back of my head?
Where is the impending sense of regret?

All I know is that whatever this is that I've committed myself to is permanent. There's no doubt nor hesitation. I still have no idea why but it fits. Seamlessly. No creases, no wrinkles; no displeasure, no discomfort. What was considered weird or uncharacteristic of me became a natural habit of sorts that I wasn't averse to.

Thursday 5 February 2015

Thaipusam 2015

I think I'm falling behind on my #100happydays 


On the second day of the second month of the year 2015, I finally gathered up the courage to brave the Thaipusam crowd, where stories of violent drunkards in sardine-like conditions prevailed over the true feel and focus of this religious festival.

It was Day 43 of my 100 Happy Days and I'm most obliged to blog more than a snippet for this event.

Despite having a strong dislike for crowds, brushing up against sweaty people and shouldering my way past dawdlers while avoiding bare toes of the devout, I armed myself with an Indian culture-enthusiast, a couple of 'seasoned' visitors, and the danna who was equally disinclined to be part of a mass congregation but willing to experience the atmosphere as part of a once-in-a-lifetime-should-be-enough-in-case-we-miss-anything,

FOMO I tell you, most solemnly.

As usual, I overdressed...or more accurately, under-dressed. I was the only person among the thousands, to be wearing a short skirt. Clearly, I wasn't thinking straight, but then again, when have I ever?

Stuffed a few bucks and my identity card into my bra, gripped my phone firmly to my torso and off I went. We probably missed the bulk of it when we arrived at about half past seven in the evening as we could walk at more than a snail's pace and stride into gaps ala Tyra Banks. All for the better it seems, I could take in more at once: the brightly coloured sarees and punjabi suits, the beautifully decorated kavadis and stalls, my magpie eyes were drawn to the jewelry on display but mourned my lack of passion and bravery for such statement pieces, and the supporting crowd around each kavadi bearer. The significance and symbolism of it all was lost on me but seeing the effect on the those who know better was the only thing I took back.

We had expected to go the whole nine yards for the event but taking everything into perspective, we probably only did a quarter or less by starting from the Gottlieb Road junction all the way up to the big temple on the hill and back.

None of the advice and stories were true to form. The only drunk episode was during dinner when the guy at the next table did a slow slide off his chair and his mates were too tipsy to haul him up themselves. We didn't help, neither did we look much - just in case. Treated it all as part of the scene. The kavadi bearers didn't have disturbing, morbid piercings, nor were they in eyes-rolled-back trance. Everything looked pretty normal. Even the typically terrible attitude of Malaysians chucking their rubbish at every corner. The traffic jam was horrible but because of the recently widened roads and well-rehearsed traffic divergence, it wasn't horror stories of being stuck in traffic for hours. At most, it was 40 minutes crawling inch by inch on Scotland Road.

The next day as I drove back, I expected chaos akin to the aftermath of a nuclear explosion. However, the roads were pretty clear and rubbish wasn't strewn too haphazardly on the grassy pavements.

I grew up learning about Thaipusam as an event to get super pissy faced; an event that clogs up already busy streets of Penang; a dangerous event where we should just stay home and use the public holiday to catch up on school and house work.

I'm now grown up and re-learning that Thaipusam is a religious festival and it's only a small portion of ignorant youngsters that get super pissy faced; a celebration by a culture considered a minority but nevertheless, one of many in this melting pot of race and culture of a country; an event to be equally revered and respected as one's own - not that I'm well versed in my own race/culture.

I'm pretty ignorant and under-educated in most things not animal-related, anyway. hehe. 





Tuesday 20 January 2015

20% of #100happydays

If the start of the new year was anything to go by as a sample of what 2015 will be for me, I forsee Late nights and lazy morning starts with plenty of craft, choir, and conversation in between.

DAY 11
 I started my new year by meeting Joleen's furry sisters: Randy, an European purebred Rottweiler and Ruby, an abandoned aging Golden Retriever.
Photo by Joleen 
 Yea, I was rubbing eye goop off Ruby's eyes. Ruby's story was a heart-breaking one, heard by many dog-lovers anywhere and everywhere.

Joleen used to have a male GT called Rudolf/Rudolph. Rudy, went missing one day and when Joleen's dad went around the neighbourhood to look for him, he chanced upon poor Ruby instead..

"When Ruby was found she was weak, aggressive and traumatized. It took a while for her to gain faith in human around her again. Initially she was timid, and reluctant to show her loving part to human.

After 3 years, Ruby is now the most gentle and beautiful soul dog ever. Tho she is getting older and suffering from rheumatism, but she never fail to spark a smile on her face."

An excerpt from Joleen's Jiffy Journal

It was a magnificent evening spent, learning about proper dog ownership and care, especially those who are attentive to proper dog breeding procedures. I also met another of my species, Edmund, and the three of us commiserated over the job scope/pay of our chosen field.

DAY 12
Luncheon with my girls!


Photo by Arvin where Edwina is missing
To my bestie's encouragement, I joined the Herbalife-promoted Fit Challenge and was reunited with Arvin from school, and met Kathireen.

Lunch at The Little Cottage near New World Park was a quick catch up since I stopped the Challenge for a couple of seasons due to a combination of reasons. The Fit Club grew in membership exponentially until there wasn't enough space to accommodate everyone and I was basically fed up of the crowd, over-enthusiasm and pushy Herbalife promoters.

However, the happy part about the luncheon was about a certain life phase that we were all going through: marriage. Or lack thereof.

Friends left right and centre were getting hitched or hitched or getting knocked up or knocking up...and we were wondering if we want the same thing or just not ready for it.


DAY 13
I saw a full moon.

You read right.

I just like shiny stuff ok?! A full moon that bright on that particular night was the best part...besides re-watching Big Hero 6 and laughing so hard until I nearly fell off my chair.


DAY 14
I love being in a choir and have only been in one during primary school and Form 6. Stuff like Vocal Point gives me such a nice buzz up my spine and makes me wanna cry.

That Sunday, a fellow parishioner came up to us and told us how touched she was by one of the songs (hymns?) we had sung. Hopefully, we'll be able to sing in tagalog, bahasa, mandarin (gasp!), tamil (double gasp!!) since we have migrants from the nearby industrial zones being part of our church.


DAY 15
My new phone is finally activated and cased in a Tiffany blue casing - time for a change since I'm sick of having red and black shizz for my gadgets.

Also, I feel extra grown up now after my sister finally transferred the ownership of my mobile number to me. Been having problems changing plans, sim cards, etc since she registered that number for me to use during my trips back during Oz's summer holidays.

I haz new toy!


DAY 16
Embarking on another frustrating and physically exhausting charitable project may not be anyone's happy thing but I've come to realise I do appreciate and 'enjoy' it to some extent.

This time it's for the catastrophic flooding in the East coast of Peninsula and at the time of writing, the danna and I have gone through a few hitches in this ride and expecting more. For a small, budget and time-restricted group, plenty of effort is needed but unfortunately not everyone is a 100% committed to such an idea of reaching out personally to disaster victims.

I'm skeptical myself, TBH, but as they say, 'with the grace of God..."

DAY 17

Painted bronzeback
Joleen and I were 'complaining' about the lack of animals spotted in the Garden due to the heat of the midday tropics and I was pitying the bats roasting under the palm leaves. Later on in the day, she found the painted bronzeback, hanging around the palms at the water garden.

I'm totally against handling snakes at shows or fair because they get handled too often by so many people. This disturbs their natural behaviour and increases their risk and exposure to zoonotic diseases. Hardly, you may think, due to the reptile-mammal relations but do you know, that they can get 'dried out' due to the constant contact?


DAY 18
I had a little impromptu meeting with my boss...by passing her my signed contract and the conversation led to what may be future planning which I've never done in my entire life.

So far, ideas and hopes are the norm for me but in terms of putting it effort to make it a commitment is something new for me.

Subconsciously, I've been doing that in other areas of my life as well, no matter how slow the efforts or how small the gestures - bit and pieces in the garden, at home... I find myself settling down and liking it.

Fuck. I'm old. Yay.

DAY 19
So I can be happy with a rainy day, a full moon, and now, a nighttime thunderstorm.

Home alone with the rains lashing down, skies lighting up, and I'm snug in my jammies doing some craftwork




A little personal project for the gift shop...will reveal later on when finished.


DAY 20

Was supposed to wake up at 7am and head to Youth Park for a little workout session with the girls but none of us were obviously enthusiastic enough to leave a comfy bed due to the cool weather from a night of rain.

So I went back to sleep and woke half hour to noon (gasp!) and had a rare brunch with dad alone.

The happy part? An awkward moment where the danna met dad later on at night...in a semi-official capacity. The both of them watched Johnny English 2 on TV while I was having a shower. Nobody kill anybone, no threats were made (as far as I know) by either party, no interrogations were done...

all good ^_^


Wednesday 7 January 2015

10% of #100happydays

Starting off the new year of 2015 with finding something to be happy about for 100 days (minimum) under the hashtag "100 Happy Days" was the initial plan. Of course, nothing ever goes to plan for me. Planning doesn't come easy for me. I tend to want to plan things right down to the minute details on a pictometre.

What kickstarted my spontaneous #100happydays was the simple act of latching on to the wifi at work and updated all my applications. They got prettier. That was it. Seriously...that's how shallow I am.


^_^


I got the idea from an ex-sushi-making colleague who just got married. Her posts, consisting of a collage of pictures from each day, were infectious as she took us along the journey of wedding planning and other non-wedding happy happenings in her life.

Instead of following the same, and because of the spontaneity of my own project, I didn't post up a picture or a collage of pictures with a mini essay on what made me happy that day. So what happened was a picture, with one-word summaries.


DAY 1
As mentioned, was started off by updating all the applications on my tablet and the prettier widgets set off a flurry of silly, sparkly fireworks in my unbalanced hormonal state.

Truly, the little things.


DAY 2
My first Christmas present, Joleen gave me this thingamajig...an earphone port stuffer (??)
Yes, I have a weird affection for owls ever since Mick Todd, then a PhD candidate in UTAS in 2011, took us, a bunch of wet-behind-the-ears, eager-beaver undergraduates on an 'owl hunt' where he played some calls - territorial and mating calls. Screeching calls near midnight in total darkness? Fucking awesome experience.
Also, when I took this picture, I noticed that the books in the background were for once, non-fiction. Seeing as this was my desk at work, the genre of those books and the titles alone were a wake up call. That I may have finally, found my place in life. No...not botany specifically, but doing things I love to do and doing something unusual.


DAY 3
Another life goal came to realisation: wearing a saree.

Janita, my longest-time ever bestie, had bought me the material for Christmas in 2013. Late November, we finally went to Chennai Silk Palace in town to get it sewn. Since I wouldn't have anyone to help me tie/wrap/pleat on the spot, I had it ready made. Slightly shoddy workmanship for RM160 but the experience was worth it.

The turquoise chiffon with silver sequins stood out among the shimmery reds, blazing blues, sparklings golds of other sarees. Wouldn't say I stood out as the only Chinese wearing a saree...I was tripping all over the place and extremely self-conscious of my muffin top.

I didn't take a picture, sadly, because I was so caught up with the magical midnight mass I was attending. Hopefully next year I get to participate because that's how I've always preferred to experience things.

Christmas tree at my (hopefully future) home


DAY 4
Christmas Day!

Started off with another mass less than 7 hours after returning home from the midnight one and despite my sleepy state, I saw a cat on a motorcycle.

Ok, bear with me here. It wasn't a stray getting comfortable on a parked bike. It was one kitty, claws dug in securely into the seat, riding pillion, and getting ear and chin scratches from the owner when he stopped at the traffic lights.

A cat riding a bike. Got me so happy. And devastated I wasn't quick enough to snap a photo.

Also...I went to Butterworth. For significant reasons: Meeting the Family. More on that another time. If I feel like it. I'm too old to simply tell everyone everything now.

DAY 5
I GOT PAID!

LOL. Surely, everyone loves payday but not counting part-time jobs, this was my highest paycheck ever since graduating.

Highest paycheck in my career thus far. When I made up my mind to make it a principle in life not to work for money, no one told me that this field doesn't pay nuts. They also neglected to tell me the satisfaction of doing something worth waking up for.


DAY 6
Went over again to the mainland to meet up with my insane sistah, Esther, and Royston. Had a 4-day weekend journey with them and Z way back in October and...had quite a few new experiences that should've been experienced if I hadn't been so...cynical and pessimistic.

Fine. It was just drinking, alright? Like, heaps. Until I got rashes. The first time it happened was in Sandakan where I overdosed on seafood and boxed wine.

I was mixing quite a bit of hard liquor but thankfully, no puking was involved. Just plenty of giggling and stumbling.

The happy part for Day 6 was the high tea in Winter Warmers...and confessing to Esther the happiest thing in my life that had righted an effed up year.


DAY 7

4PAWS.

'nuff said.


DAY 8
I don't need elaborate and expensive gifts.
I don't need fancy events.

Leftover bridal floral arrangements given to pretty my desk and attract lil' bees are big enough gestures to make me melt.

A colleague snatched one from the cleanup of the wedding ceremony held over the weekend. Kenny may be gay but seriously.....not everyday I get flowers and I LOVE getting flowers, especially when they are so pretty and he doesn't have to spend a penny.

Pretty flowers are expensive and end up in my craft drawer or half dead in a pot.

...

DAY 9
Found out my whole life may have been a lie.

Sangria wasn't just ice cream soda, tinned peaches and sparkling (sometimes non-alcoholic) wine and orange juice.

At Mish Mash, a quiet pub on Muntri St, it was a full-bodied red wine with Cointreau, pineapple slices on a toothpick and a lot of other shizz that made my eyes sparkle like an anime character as I sat at the bar with Reuben, waiting for Jeffrey and Justin to turn up.

It was a nice catch up on post-Form 6 life. Touching the surface of the lives of others I haven't bothered to keep in contact TBH. Just to make conversation and enjoy light-hearted company. No other girls but gosh the gossip these boys can dish...!!!


DAY 10
Ending this post with something that's so typical of me:

I ran into this butterfly on the way down from lunch.

As usual, I walked into a tree. No, the overhanging leaves of a plant, really, but still...call it walking into a tree, and saw this pretty fella. Not moving despite the 'collision', the subsequent 'oooohhhh!!', and followed by a camera phone, looming very close, invading its' personal space.

I can't tell you the species because I'm not familiar at all with the flora and fauna of Malaysia. But ain't it preedieee thang????


Also, it was New Year's Eve.