Exhaust (ive) fumes

A week ago was my two month milestone at a job where I've explained to people that I run a (cannibalistic) confinement and nursery home.

I get paid a wage which was more of an allowance to play with crabs (the crustacean kind for you, gutter-minds) and water. Work started in a chaotic frame of mind since mostly everything is nearly everything I avoided in school and university - math and chemistry. Even my mediocre knowledge of crabs was the memory of the picture of my crab dissection in my 2nd year.

Last I wrote about was how I hit the ground running with adrenaline.

Now, I'm almost functioning on residual fumes.

To my absolute horror yet partial relief, this is nearly a 9-5 job. Minus the traffic jam since I head the opposite direction....away from the mass congregation of drones. I loathe having a chained-to-desk job but neither do I want to come home stinky and sweaty all the time. So far, it's been a good mix. I do have to run all over the place sometimes which is annoying because running around in a lab coat carrying beakers in thick lined gloves seems ominous. Breaks from desk work to go up and down several and many flights of stairs helps keep the butt expansion under control too.

I don't seem to remember a weekend that I could just while away the time on myself. I have had this on, that on, and before I know it, I'm neglecting the core for subsidiary one-offs such as routine household chores for a tai-chi introduction by a cousin who was back in Penang for a week or so before embarking on a year in London. Such as going for Break The Code games on a Sunday and miss out on a movie with Dad.

It does take a lot of effort to say yes. I made a promise to stop running away from people and saying yes to (almost) everyone is exhausting but saying no was, and is, harder.

Instead of saying no, can I hit the pause button? Ask for a raincheck? Reschedule?

A great fear or mine would be neglecting priorities - Sundays with dad. Evenings with mom and sisters. Time, any time at all with the kareshi. I came back for them but am I there for them?