The Resurrection

If you think this seems familiar,  like you've seen this before,
Feels like deja vu, doesn't it, my dear, thought you read it all,
Well, this is not self-plagiarising,  nor am I reinventing,
I'm just restarting my passion,
This is a resurrection. 

I've opened and closed a total of three to four blogs now in the span of a decade. I'm reusing this blog title because I think, and feel, it's the most accurate, and precise self-description. Yes, it used to be all dark, moody, and so-called (once described by someone else) 'satanic'. Before you go all "ARGH!! JOCELYN'S GONE ALL PINK AND CUTESY!!!", let me show you how I'm still the same person, and then let me show you I'm not the same person anymore.

I spent 2013 avoiding people. I stopped blogging, gave up the pursuit in photography and drawing...all the things I loved to do when I was still in school. I barely read anything academic, I shunned new social media sites and unfollowed friends on Facebook - if I hadn't already deleted them. I didn't make any goals or resolutions; I expected nothing. 

Ended up like buoy in a maelstrom. 

I got seasick

So I spent the entire of January, and a little bit of February doing a little soul-searching and didn't find a lot of nice things to be grateful about, to be thankful for. That wasn't what I had expected, or anyone would have expected, from someone who is a quarter of a century old and with no extraordinary hardship in her life, a woman who always knew what she wanted, who (thought she) knew right from wrong. But I guess the growing pains of a teenager is incomparable to those of a young adult with a license of responsibility, a certificate of independence, a diploma of capability, a (certain) degree of trust and worth. 

Fake it 'till you make it, they say. 

I lost friends. I lost contacts. I lost part, if not all, of myself.  They had warned that adulthood is like another shedding phase and it's ok, people grow in different ways once out of the conformity of school, but they didn't mention that it hurt. My blacks and whites merged into fifty shades of fucking grey with streaks of stormy purple, dusted with the midnight blue of the past, and long gone pink of innocence, and green of fresh enthusiasm, and yellow of hopefulness...and you know that I've already gone off the rails at this point. 

Just let me...come back.