Reshuffling life in a few steps

Yesterday,

I took the step in changing parishes.

From the Church of the Immaculate Conception, Pulau Tikus, where I've been baptised and confirmed, where I've formed my faith in the last 20 odd years, to the Church of the Divine Mercy, Sungai Ara.

Pretty big leap, geographically, but I made the decision not because the kareshi is based there (after branching from CHS), but because of the sense of belonging which I've lost since confirmation. Friends that have been with me since the formation years in catechism have all gone, and I wasn't comfortable in the couple of ministries I joined as an attempt to integrate myself into the community.

So when I was offered, nagged, and pushed into joining CDM, I gave in. The first few steps were naturally apprehensive, afraid of being singled out, and questioned. However, amazingly, despite the differences in a well rehearsed tradition of a celebration, I felt very much at home. There was an opportunity to mingle with like minded people, and to keep in touch with my new sayangs that I have met in Choice. I was asked to present the offertory gifts with Z, and instead of fear and stress that I would have had for such a public moment, all I felt was peace and love. It was like giving something up voluntarily and feeling all the better for it- like jumping off a cliff and enjoying the cool lagoon below and not splattered all over the bedrock. That moment may cause people to get a misconception about Z and I but really, everyone always have a misconception about me so why break tradition?

Proving small-minded people wrong is one of the best things in life for a sense of selfish entitlement and superiority.

Haha....ok, no. It's just fascinating to see how narrow- and single-tracked minded some people can be. It's like watching Spongebob.




Today,

I made a step in making it a personal mission to not give up on people. To be Dumbledore again, forever giving people a second chance. To allow a forever possibility to keep in touch, to keep our lives entwined.

It is a human trait to only do something that benefits oneself,  hence the recent lacklustre in communications between a group of friends. We blew up Whatsapp with 100s of messages a day in the first month and like a spawning event, it just...died down. People pulled out, started to say 'no', started to not just say 'no' but not responding at all.

Asking something from someone above the age of 5 without the promise of something in return is very difficult. Requesting time, effort, and especially money...they look for an investment or they look at it as a purchase. They want something back, more solid than gratitude. Understandable...the act of selflessness is a difficult thing and hence, is always looked upon as something commendable, encouraged but not pursued.


If I had pulled myself back...to think, to hell with them and their reserve, wouldn't I be like them?

So I'll commit to be myself, as usual, regardless of the quantity of responses towards friendships, relationships, and other commitments. My preference for quality time spent with those I care about and who cares enough in return is so much better than having life as a constant large-scale party.


The effort to keep in touch, will keep on going at least on my part. With some exceptions of course. Can't be keeping those filled with hypocrisy and negativity around...wouldn't make sense.

I wouldn't be me, oredi liddat.